This week has been such a refresher for me. Ahem.. Bare with me while I share a very personal spiritual experience that I couldn't help but blog about... warning: this post will be fairly long, but worth it to me. :)
We also grew up not really having family home evenings, and rarely did we keep the sabbath holy. But that's just how it was. Now that I'm older, married and have kids of my own I've been trying to break a lot of those habits (keyword: trying). I've NEVER read the scriptures thoroughly (and still haven't) and never had a real understanding like other people do, where they can just remember stories from the scriptures and start telling it from memory.
My greatest example has been my husband. He has always taught me from the scriptures, and we would read together before we got married and even after. Then we got busy. For a few months I was on a spiritual high (a year or so ago) and I loved that I enjoyed reading the scriptures, and learning about them. Then that started to decline (you know, when you miss one day, then it turns to missing 2, then missing a week, 2 weeks, a month.. etc.). I would always sit and wonder why I couldn't just get back into that mode again. I yearned to feel the spirit so strongly as I once did before. But there were a lot of things that I wasn't doing like I did before. Like saying my prayers daily, reading/studying the scriptures, going to the temple (fehi and I went a lot before), and going to church every sunday.
I kept making excuses for myself as to why I couldn't keep up with those small yet simple things that would get me back on the spiritual path. We were hardly going to church, I blamed work and the fact that we were in a new ward. Then a few weeks ago my mom was in town for Baby Moe's birthday. I woke up Sunday morning to her calling my phone (from downstairs lol) to wake me up and ask what time church was. And I was like "Oh you want to go?" It felt like all those years when my mom would wake us up and took us to church by herself, every sunday. She told me to wake up get the kids ready and lets go to church. So I did. I listened to her like I did every sunday when I was young. We actually sat in sacrament (versus sitting on the couch outside) and I enjoyed it. The kids weren't too rowdy, and we got to hear some youth speakers. After sacrament I was about to do what we would normally do, head towards the car. Then my mom asked about Sunday School, and I again questioned her "Oh you want to stay for Sunday School?" Lol. My mom should've pinched me like she did when I was younger to get me to listen in church lol. So we went to Sunday School and I won't ever forget it.
In all honesty I can't remember what the Sunday School lesson was about but the one thing that has stuck to me was the question "Why must we always ponder after we study the scriptures?" And there were various answers to this, but I kept that question to myself. And throughout the week I was still asking myself that question.
This past Monday as I was sitting in my room, I had gotten out of the shower, dressed and was preparing myself to go to work. Kesaia had just knocked out, and I was like "finally, some peace and quiet, free time to myself!" First thing I thought of was "where's my phone? I can play a game or something." and right in that second the spirit so strongly impressed on me "Why don't you read your scriptures." And immediately I looked up to see the brand new scriptures Fehi had bought me months ago because I said I needed new ones so I could read more (what an excuse) but actually never did much. So I got up grabbed my new scriptures, grabbed a pen, said a prayer of gratitude for the spirit prompting me, and then I started reading from the first book of Nephi.
As I was reading I underlined, notated, and explained things in the margins for my own understanding, and I thought a lot about that question "Why must we ponder the scriptures after we read?" And after I had read about 6 chapters I thought about that. I pondered the scriptures, I pondered Nephi's example, and I pondered Lehi and his faith in the Lord by leaving his home and taking his family into the wilderness. It was then I realized the reason why we must ponder the scriptures. There have been so many times where I would read just to read and say I read the scriptures. I would tell myself, "as long as you read one chapter you're good." Well that's what I would do, read the chapter, close the book and say "Ok, I'm done!" and never did I ponder on what I read. Now I realize the importance of reading, studying, and pondering. By doing all three (not just 1 of the 3) I'm able to take important lessons and principles from what I read and actually apply it, and then remember what I read about.
So that was Day 1 of Reading, Studying, and Pondering the Scriptures. It felt so good, so so so good to feel of the spirit so strongly and I realized that I had been idle for sooo long. It was like I was waiting for something to kind of force me to get out of the lazy/idle zone I was in, and yet the only thing hurting from it was me. It's amazing how just that hour to 2 hours of study changed me. Even Fehi noticed something different about me, and then he noticed that the scriptures was on the bed versus on the table in the same spot it had been in for months, and he asked "Were you reading your scriptures?" and I said "Yes I did, and it was wonderful!" with the biggest smile on my face.
Day 2 was probably the most emotional for me. As I was preparing to read the scriptures, I had said my prayer inviting the spirit to be with me so I could understand what I was reading and so that I could ponder those things, and also apply them in my life. I read about Lehi's vision. I think I underlined the whole chapter, but I also notated a lot of things, looking through referring scriptures to find out what the different things symbolized. And then after reading 3 chapters, I stopped and pondered. My pondering led me to find something on lds.org that would bring this chapter into perspective for me. And that's when I came across a talk given by Elder David A. Bednar in the October 2011 issue of Liahona (you can read it here).
Edler Bednar is both fehi and mines favorite apostle to listen to. We were there when he spoke in the Tongan Stake Conference, and it was just so amazing. So when I stumbled across this I was so excited. Then I started reading it. He talks about how in Lehi's Vision there are 4 groups of people that he saw. There was the first group of people that were on the path, trying to find their way, and then they encountered the mist of darkness, they then lost their way or wandered off. The second group of people were a group of people that weren't even heading for the iron rod or the tree of life, rather they went to the great and spacious building. Then there was the third group who were clinging to the iron rod and even got to the tree of life tasted of the fruit and then felt ashamed as the people in the great and spacious building were mocking them. Then there's the fourth group of people. These people were continually holding on to the iron rod and as soon as they got to the tree of life they fell to their knees and partook of the fruit and were joyous in doing so.
Elder Bednar focused his attention on these last two groups of people I mentioned. The third group of people that were clinging on to the iron rod, ate the fruit and then were ashamed when they were mocked. Elder Bednard said:
"Even with faith, commitment, and the word of God, this group eventually was lost—perhaps because they only periodically read or studied or searched the scriptures. Clinging to the rod of iron suggests to me only occasional “bursts” of study or irregular dipping rather than consistent, ongoing immersion in the word of God."
As soon as I read this I started crying. It was a rude awakening for me. I was that person clinging. :( And I had been that person for soooo long. I then read on about this group of people that were continually holding on. Elder Bednard says:
"The third group also pressed forward with faith and conviction; however, there is no indication that they wandered off, fell into forbidden paths, or were lost. Perhaps this third group of people consistently read and studied and searched the scriptures. Perhaps it was diligence and devotion to a seemingly “small and simple [thing]” (Alma 37:6) that saved the third group from perishing. Perhaps it was “the knowledge of the Lord” and “the knowledge of the truth” (Alma 23:5, 6) obtained through faithful study of the scriptures that yielded the spiritual gift of humility—such that this group of people “fell down and partook of the fruit of the tree” (1 Nephi 8:30; emphasis added). Perhaps it was the spiritual nourishment and strength provided by continually “feasting upon the word of Christ” (2 Nephi 31:20) that enabled this group to heed not the scorning and mocking of the people in the great and spacious building (see 1 Nephi 8:33). This is the group you and I should strive to join."
And after reading that I cried again. I have such a great desire to be that person continually holding on the iron rod. And I have never been so happier than to realize this in my new found commitment to Read, Study, and Ponder the scriptures (amongst other things). These 2 hours that I spent that day reading all of this and pondering what I read has changed me forever. I definitely want to strive to be a better daughter of heavenly father, and I know that when I can focus on that, when I know I am doing everything to make him proud, everything else will fall into place. By doing that I'll be a better wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, etc.
I'm grateful for this spiritual experience I've had, and for everything that has fallen into place for this to happen. I know that heavenly father has been very mindful of me, and knows my weaknesses, yet he always shows his love for me in everything that surrounds me. I'm grateful to have a better understanding now of what I read in the scriptures, and also of what it means to me in my life. I'm not ashamed to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and I'm grateful for the countless blessings I have received through the gospel. This week has truly been a wake-up call for me, but it has also been one of the greatest weeks ever. I will forever be grateful for the spirit prompting me to study the scriptures versus wasting time on my phone. I don't find it hard to make time to engage in my studies, and I enjoy it when I do so. Some people like to run, or clean, or work-out, but I have found my joy and solace in reading, studying, and pondering the scriptures. :)
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