Spoke Too Soon... :(

About a week ago I announced that we were expecting baby #3.  Now a week later, I'm sad to say that we lost the baby, I had a miscarriage.

The day after my "blog announcement" I had started to spot.  With every pregnancy I start spotting, and it's usually because of my Fibroid.  So again, I thought it's probably just my fibroid.  Then I noticed it wasn't letting up and it was becoming a little heavier.  I called my Dr's office on Friday morning, and they had me come in and do a blood draw to make sure there was enough HCG in my blood to do an ultrasound.  She later called and left a few messages stating that she set an ultrasound appointment for me on Monday (June 27, 2011) but to watch if the bleeding gets heavier, or if I start to soak more than one pad in an hour.  So I did just that, I watched.  

Friday night I got off work at about 11:30pm, slept at about 12am, woke up at 4am and headed to work at 430am.  I worked from 5am-130pm on Saturday, and the whole day was just so uncomfortable, I was cramping, but to me it wasn't anything new because I had cramped even more when I was pregnant with my first child. My mom had flown in that day from Hawaii, and we headed over to the Taylorsville Dayzz festivities.  It was such a good day, but for some reason the cramps only intensified, and I really didn't think anything of it.  I had invited some friends over and at around 930pm I started to cook dinner, and then we talked and hung out till about after midnight.  At one point I had to use the bathroom, and it felt like (excuse me if this it too much info for you... ) but it felt like I was constipated.  I was cramping and having a hard time, then all of a sudden I just felt something  slip out, and then my cramps went away.  At that time I didn't know that was the baby.  

Yesterday when we had gone to my ultrasound appointment, I knew something was wrong as soon as they started the ultrasound and she started asking me whether I've had positive pregnancy tests, and when my last menstrual period was.  The ultrasound took about 30-40 minutes, and as time passed I just noticed the girl kept pressing harder into my abdomen, as if she desperately wanted to find that baby for me.  They had us sit in the hall as they "discussed" with my Dr's office on what to do next, and then she told me that Jill (the nurse from my Dr's office) was on the phone.  Then Jill said, "I'm sorry Lani, this was an unsuccessful pregnancy."  I just about started to cry, and then I told her my incident in the bathroom on Saturday night, and she said that was probably it, that was the baby.  I did another blood test to confirm that the HCG levels in my blood were dropping, and it did. 

I'm still (kind of) in shock, I guess I'd never thought I'd go through a miscarriage.  But don't get me wrong, I understand miscarriages.  When something doesn't go right in the development of the baby, or something doesn't fit right, the body will reject it- because ultimately it wasn't forming or everything wasn't coming correctly together.  It's still hard for me to swallow, but I know we'll have many more opportunities for children in the future.  I'm grateful for my husband and his support for me, and especially for my two little ones that are here and alive and breathing.  I'm also thankful for such great friends and family who have given me words of encouragement, I love you all for that. Though I'm sad this happened, I'm continuing on, it's not the end of the world, but rather, you grow and you trust in the Lord that all will be ok.