Oh the Emotional Roller coaster!

I don't know whether I can blame the pregnancy (just yet) or just myself for being soooooo emotional...

Yesterday I showed my little sister what a "flash mob" is, and pulled up the video of the black-eyed peas flash mob on Oprah's show and I about started to tear up, and then I told myself to toughen up, cause really.. why was I about to cry about that???

Now after reading a blog about a child passing away, I just about cried rivers.  I can't imagine that type of pain, and when I look at that child that passed away, I see my son.  Since my son was about 8 months old, he's had pneumonia twice, and a whole okole' load of ear infections.  I remember the day he was in the hospital (the first time)... I think I was a little in denial, but I knew everything would be ok.  So when he got pneumonia the 2nd time around (earlier this year in January) it was hard for us to see him lie in bed like that, but we both knew he'd be ok.  I remember having to leave him at the hospital with his dad, because Kesaia couldn't sleep overnight at the hospital.  I was so sad, but thank goodness for skype because I kept that on alllll night so that I could watch him sleep, but in reality it was the other way around... he watched me sleep all night. (lol)

We faced a similar happening (for lack of a better word) when Kesaia was born.  At around 38 weeks (?) pregnant you take a Strep B test (I think that's what it's called), and if it's positive it's fine, you'll just need to get in early enough to the hospital to take antibiotics, if it's negative then all is fine.  So after taking this test, my OB (at the time, not anymore) usually would call ONLY if the result was positive, so I never received a call and thought all was ok.  Morning of April 2nd comes and I start to feel contractions.  We didn't head to the hospital because 1. my contractions weren't close enough, nor were the consistent, and 2. because we were shopping for her that day (we didn't have ANYTHING).  So we shopped and I attempted to eat between contractions, and then we decided (it was about 5pm now) that we should get home and pack and go to the hospital.  We get to the hospital about 730pm, and my contractions were consistent, at about 2-3 minutes apart, maybe even closer.  So as I'm getting changed and into the bed they tell me that I was positive for that strep B.  I was shocked because I was NEVER told I was, and when you're positive they want to make sure you get at least 2 doses of the antibiotics, well I didn't get anything.  So on we went with the delivery, and an hour later Kesaia was born.  We thought everything was ok, until Sunday morning, as we were watching general conference a male pediatrician walks in (our pediatrician is female btw).. he turns the tv off (remember we were watching gen. conf. so I was like.. ummm.. hello!) and he tells us "mom, dad, we need to talk." He says that they tested Kesaia's blood, and it came back positive for bacteria in her blood, and they needed to do a spinal tap to test for meningitis.  In this moment I was stuck in disbelief, because everything seemed fine and dandy, and then he walks in with bad news for us.   He needed to do the test right away, and then we had to put her in the nursery, she couldn't stay with us in my room anymore.  Right away, my husband asked for some time as he tried to call for someone to come and help him give her a blessing.  He called a few people and none answered, right then the Dr. (remember he was a male, our usual pediatrician is a female)... The dr. then asked if we were LDS, and we said Yes. He then asked Fehi if he needed help giving her a blessing, and he said that he could help and that he had oil on hand.  I just about broke down into tears, and just knew that there was a reason for his presence that day.  They blessed our baby girl, and then he did a spinal tap (which I'm glad I wasn't there to witness).  We then spent the rest of the day with her in the nursery.  The hardest thing for me to do was leave her that night.  They said that she could possibly stay an extra 2 weeks (at least) in the hospital.  So as we left, I couldn't help but feel like she was going to be alright.  The next day I stayed at the hospital with her all day, so I could nurse her, and the nurses kept saying she's doing amazingly well for someone who "supposedly" was sick.  Usually they don't do well with feedings, and yet she did.  They also said that some of her blood tests were coming back clean, usually in illnesses the white blood count is high (indicating that the body is trying to fight off an infection) but her numbers were normal, and that she had a suspicion that maybe the blood test that they took initially was  contaminated somehow, but we wouldn't find out for sure until the results of the spinal tap came back.  So I left her once again that night, and the following morning we received a call from her pediatrician saying all the tests were negative, and to come and pick her up.

I bring up these experiences because nothing, and I mean nothing can replace the joys and blessings of motherhood, of being a parent.  I'm blessed, so so blessed, to have carried and brought these children to this earth.  As I was reading the blog of this parent that lost a child, I was reminded of how blessed and fortunate I am to have my children alive today.  I love them, and am excited to bring another life into this world.

Mommy loves you Baby Moe, Kesaia, and baby #3.  I will always cherish you and I promise to strive to do my best, to be a better mother to you.  Last but not least, I love you my Eternal Love, without you none of this would've been possible.

I love my family! :)