Thinking of My Baby...

It's been quite some time since I've last blogged, so I hope to get back on it more regularly, especially since this really is the only journaling I do.  This morning I was looking through a friends pictures on FB and came across pictures of their family with their firstborn son, who was born at about 6 months (I believe) and he only survived a couple hours.  It made me think about my miscarriage and how would things have been if that little one survived.  I don't question that all things happen for a reason, and that there's a greater purpose but it reminds me of what I need to do to ensure I see him again.  I say "him" as if I knew the gender of the baby, but I didn't.

Back in April of this year I had the chance to see my sisters boyfriend, and our classmate, Michael Tuia leave on his mission to Detroit, Michigan.  He stopped by my house on the way to the MTC to give us some goodies my sister had sent for the kids.  We talked about all sorts of things, especially about the fact that my sister had gone through the temple and received her endowments just a few weeks before Mike left on his mission.   Mike then asked me if I've talked to my sister yet, and I said No.  Then he said, well talk to her and ask her about her dreams.  And I tried to ask what he meant, but he said "I think you should just ask her." After he left I got on the phone and called my sister about these 'dreams'.  She started by telling me that when she was preparing to go through the temple, even after entering, she would have these dreams.  One dream in particular she had was meeting this man, he introduced himself to her and in the distance there was a lady who introduced herself as well.  You could tell they were married, but they didn't act like they were in her dream.  My sister later told my grandma about this dream, and my grandma knew exactly what to do.   She researched our family history and found who these two people were.  They were relatives of my grandmother, who were married, but no work was done for either one of them and they were never sealed.  I was in awe, and explained to my sister about how wonderful it is to have such a gift.

Later my sister said she also had another dream.  She said she had been meaning to tell me about it.  She had dreamt that we were all in Hawaii (of course.. cause all my dreams start that way too) and that there was a baby there.  He looked exactly like baby Moe (my oldest son) but he was chubbier and had long curly hair.  And at first I was like "Ok so are you seeing my future baby??".  Then she said that in the dream she kept feeling like this baby was the "third" but she knew it wasn't my son Hinckley because the baby didn't look like him.  And then my sister said "Lani I think this is the baby from your miscarriage." And as soon as she said that I felt this feeling of calmness overcome me, and the spirit confirmed that yes he's your baby from the miscarriage.  We both started crying, and I just couldn't believe it.  I told her it all made sense to me.  My sister is an awesome aunt to my kids, my kids though they don't see her a lot, know who she is and that she spoils them like crazy.  I explained, that maybe the reason why baby came to her was because he wanted to make sure she didn't forget about him, and that we didn't forget about him too.

So yes, I do believe that my baby that I miscarried was a boy.  I will always and forever cherish this gift my sister shared with us.  At that time in my life, I was content.  I was content in not really attending my church meetings often because of work, I was content in not having a current temple recommend.  Granted, I wasn't doing anything super bad, but I wasn't doing the things I needed to be doing.  So when my sister shared this about my sweet little baby, I couldn't help but feel like he was sending us a message to "shape up!" because he's still there, and not to forget about him.  Months later, I've renewed my recommend (yay!!) and we attend the temple and church regularly.  Mommy never will and never has forgot about you baby boy, and thank you for being that constant reminder of what we need to do so we can finally meet your sweet face.

4 Year Anniversary

So Yesterday (May10th) was our 4 year anniversary. :) Every year on our anniversary my husband always brings me home breakfast from none other than Dee's lol. He knows that I love the croissant breakfast sandwich and cheese fries from there. :) So I woke up to a wonderful breakfast and a bag full of my prego goodies (donuts & chocolate lol).

After breakfast I got ready and started off my day with a mani/pedi at my fav. nail salon (A+ Nails). I always get my mani (full-set) from a guy named Tyson. He's seriously does the best job with my nails,  and they always last super long! Now the one who did my pedi.. ummm.. No comment. lol. Lets just say I won't go to her the next time, and I'll save the embarrassment of posting her pic. lol.

So anyways, after doing my mani & pedi, I did some errands and went to get Fehi's gift. I mentioned a few posts ago that I was thinking about getting him an iPad for our anniversary.Well I kept going back and forth about it, and yesterday I finally just got it for him. :)

I actually made a video/slideshow of pictures for him, and I uploaded it on the iPad to show him. I wasn't sure how I was going to give him his gift, so I decided to give it to him right before we left for dinner. I told him I had to show him something, and then I pulled the iPad out and  played the slideshow I made for him. It was funny because he took it but looked at it, and was like "Whose iPad is this??" and I told him "It's yours!" :) And he was just like "For real?!?!" hahahahaha... He was so happy and he loved the slideshow I made for him. (My husband loves to walk down memory lane, so he loved all the pictures and stuff.)

Here's the slideshow I made for him:

The song in the background is "Beautiful As You" by Wayne Brady & Jim Brickman.This song is special to me (us) because when I came up for the B&W ball,Fehi had left me for a second to hand the DJ a cd. This song came on, and he asked me to dance. We slow danced, and he sang to me in my ear.. And he talked to me and we made it official that night.

After giving him his gift, we got dressed and headed out. We had dinner reservations at the The Roof restaurant on top of the Joseph Smith Memorial Building. It was so nice, and the view of the temple was beautiful!

not my picture, got it off google images, but this is basically what our view was like.. :)

It was funny though because we were both like "Wow this is so.. elegant." And because it's a buffet, I'm so use to just grabbing a couple plates, but it was so formal that we were like  "Maybe we should just get one plate at a time." lol The food was so YUMMY, but just being able to just talk was even better. We got to catch up on a lot of things, and just bask in our love for each other ;)

After dinner we headed over to gateway, then decided to go home and change into something more comfortable.

Me & My Baby Bump

Just killing time while Fehi got changed...

After we got changed we decided to drive up to where our eternity started.. the Bountiful Temple...

It was so wonderful to sit and reminisce the day we got sealed in the temple. When we got up to the temple Fehi read a letter he wrote for me. :) It was just so lovely and wonderful. We were able to think about our past 4 years, our goals, and our future goals and plans. We decided that we would make it a tradition to set different goals for ourselves, our marriage, and our family so that the next anniversary we can look back and know we accomplished our previous goals.

I'm so in love with my husband, and am grateful for all he does. I know he knows it, but I've made it my personal goal to make sure he knows and feels it everyday of our marriage.

Oh and if your wondering why there's no pics of him, well he was a little camera shy lol.